Hurts less when don't Bleed
by tangotohell
Summary: Kat can't forget the one person in her life that meant everything. The gang tries to help but it's the case no one wants...
1. Chapter 1

The Test of the Kat

I don't own Cold Case if I did all those ass-fucks would be in jail. 

"She's been moping again," Vera sniffed, "I wonder what it is this time junkie, kid tryin to come clean, or some matter of the heart. Women, well mostly her in particular no offense Lil, but she is the most unpredictable woman I've ever met. One day happy, the next snippy and bite your head off, or days like this when she just sits in the case room and just sits. Doesn't talk don't say hi doesn't give the unwelcome morning smart remark no nothing. What the hell is it with her?" 

He took his seat at the edge of Scotty's desk waiting for the answer everybody wanted to know. Kat had been there for what, three to going on four years and still nobody knew a great deal about her. If it wasn't for cases that hit home they really wouldn't know anything but her name and that she had daughter. Today though well past few weeks she'd been more distant than normal and it was staring to make working with her like seem like working with dead women instead of a human being with a pulse. 

"Well you know she might be going through some lady issues you never know with her. I wonder what it is today; do we have any jobs today you know something to I guess some to lift her spirits cause she's killin mine." Scotty asked?

"Nope, no one came in today maybe one of you could go up their and find a case that sticks out and while you up their cheer up Miller if you can. She's really making working with a dead person look more and more appealing everyday she's in a funk." Boss answered. 

"Well, I ain't going! All three men shouted at the same time. That only left Lily who might not know how to play the make happy game but it had to better than listing to them down about her attitude every five seconds but without second thought she waltz out of the room without even being noticed. So now here she was looking for the object of everyone's misery an including he own with a chair pulled up to a wall of boxes but she was starring at one in particular. Lost in her thoughts Lily came to that conclusion because you couldn't just walk on Kat like without her noticing by now. Just as she was about to get within three feet of her Kat held her hand out with a "Don't come any closer" to back it up. Lily stops dead in her tracks to give her space. Kat got up from her chair and place it back at table Lil could've sworn wasn't there before, but who was she assume that she had brought it up here just sit the chair somewhere so it wouldn't out of place with just one chair on the aisle that had the most unsolved cases their. 

"Why are you up here I mean I know why you're up here but tell me why here?" Kat inquired. Damn she hated when she made words not sound like words but still using the words in the same context. Her way of saying get the hell away if you value your life. She knew this was the start and if Lil couldn't redirect conversion by the end of it she'd be in tears. Might as well just come out and say it the forward approach was best when she was in this type of mood.

"Just came to see if you were alright you've been up here all morning just thought you needed the company." oh yes Lily lied but she prayed it worked but the expression on the other woman's face answered question before she even had time to finish. "So, okay… ohm… why am I here… uhm… I guess the guy were getting to me and all…

"Uhm, oh sorry I wasn't listing what did you say. I was just thinking you came go on now." Kat hoped she got the message and just let her sit here and stare at the name she hadn't been able to say in what was it ten years now. Yep that's right it's been ten years today. Today was worst day of the year for her well second if count their birthday as something that's worth hurting over and to her it was. And that's all she wanted was to hurt, morn, cry, scream and beat the basturd's ass that took them away from her. But now is not the time nor the place to all unwrapped so she took a deep breath released and turned down the hall so she couldn't be seen with tear stained eyes.

"Is everything alright, Miller, if want to talk you know I'm right here if need anything, anything at all." walking to put a comforting hand on her shoulder but rejected instantly. "Is their anything any of us can do to help you don't hesitate to ask?" The way Kat laughed Lily thought she must have said something funny as hell or she finally snipe or both.

"Can any you bring back the dead," she mumbled.

"What I didn't hear you?" she heard she just wanted to make sure she hadn't lost her mind just yet.

"Lily you're a terrible liar but since you want to know so badly I said 'CAN ANY OF YOU BRING BACK THE DEAD' the deceased lifeless corpses in graveyards that rot in the dirt." she finished so calmly she almost scared herself but quickly she caught herself with "That's all I wanted to know. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Memories Suck **

Lily looked back at Kat as if she had grown a second tail. "Excuse me but all I did was ask if there was anything I could do. I'm sorry for your loss but that's no need to bite my head off." She was about to get to the point of rage when she turned her head to see the name on the box Kat had been staring at and what she saw almost ended her life from shock. The name read Miller, J June 98.

"How come nobody said this was here" Lily thought to herself she would've seen it she just had to have seen it. "Somebody had to know it was here." Kat was walking down the stairs as Lily watched in awe about her sister the story that one box held and it didn't even have to be open to know the heart ache that went into. She finally made it down to the team when she heard Vera's remark. Not choosing to ignore it she gave it her all with extra shot from that feisty tongue of hers "Who in there right mind made a white, fat, throwback version of a cop be the know how over Black women just because cause the woman you side fucking ain't white doesn't mean you're the Casanova to all women issues." Kat unleashed with full force.

"Miller, my office now!" John ordered. She walked in like a child about to be punished for stealing money out of mommy's purse but this was way worse than that. He had only use that tone one other time with her and even then it hurt like Hell hearing it. "Sir, he had it commin to him" she explained, "if he'd just mind he's on business none of that wouldn't have happen."

Stillman looked at her up and down for over a minute, "you think I don't know what today is remember I was there when the medics roll her away with that sheet on her face, the way your mother look at you in disgust and hatred, you held her in your arms as she died. You, the one she idolized, got to hold her as the blood poured from her body not your mother but you. Doesn't that mean anything to you to hold her one last time to hear her laugh and crack jokes about dying even though she was in the worst kinda pain a little kid should go through."

Kat was in tears now he was right but that's not the point. It didn't mean she missed Jill less or the blame wasn't hers. It was her fault after all if she had been more careful she'd be alive today but no she just had to be young and dumb and look where it got her. A kid of her own and a momma who dislikes her to the point she want even call to check on Veronica any more. "And Katherine we been through this before you sister open a lot of Pandora's Box before she died to protect you." Stillman finished.

"Yeah I know doesn't mean it hurts any less cause I ain't bleeding it hurts twice as hard because the pain is still real but the body don't know how to heal itself without blood coming out. And time doesn't heal wounds that pierce the entire body and soul. So, save the speech for one of them I don't need nor want it." Kat walk out the room with that. Scotty was just about to go in to assess the damage done to Vera's ego when Lily came rushing over with a case box and told everyone to look at it. They look at her like what okay it's a case box. That's when she looked down and saw the name was facing her she turn it around so now the name shown. Jeffries was the first to speak up "So this is our problem. I never knew she was related to Miller just some crazy twist of fate they had the same last name." Lil looked at him with shocked eyes "So, you knew it was here but you never said anything to one of us."

"Look, Lil was in that box is a bunch of crap nobody wants to ever visit again that girl's death open Philly police department to some things that were better left unsaid and unseen. It's best to not get involve in some ten year old case about this girl. Only she and Kat knew the price for what she did on her own. So, just drop it" Jeffries stated. Vera look at the box in horror what that girl knew was the reason he ask to get transferred to homicide in the first place. Hell he still had nightmares about till this day. He knew it took somebody brave, with a lot of balls and the biggest fool on the planet to do what she did. In the end it didn't matter the case would go unsolved as long as somebody was on the force and didn't want to know the truth behind their jobs.

Stillman walked out to catch Kat but he bump into her just as he walked out the door. "Kat good I got you we…why is that down here? Lily how did this get down here put it back and don't any of you touch it ever again." At the words Kat just heard all her pain became even more real. The tears fell from her eyes before she had the time to stop them. All the pain came to the surface as the memory of the last time she saw her sister alive came to her mind and played like the bad record it was…

"_So, Jay after school where do you go" Kat used her mother's tone so she could get a straight answer from her younger sister. "Well after school I was planning on robbing a bank officer, but change my mind to go to the library to study with Carol and James. If that's okay with you. Then plan on going over Carol's house till you come get me to take me home that's right take me home then after that sleep on my nice comfy bed is that all officer" _

"_Yes that's all I need to know for now, when I call Carol's mom and you're not there whoa be unto your ass is that understood", Kat smiled at her sister," plus if I hear you been in East Philly again I'm gonna personally put bullet in your ass now are we clear." Jill just laughed, "Crystal clear okay but what about momma if you shot me she'll kill you then what about my niece than she might go to the dark side with Satan herself and you don't want that do you?"_

"_Stop being a smart ass and go to school" _

"_Okay but therein lies the problem my ass is not smart my head is so get that straight Katherine, bye I'll see you later and I promise no more snooping well until I get a reason to that is." As Jill got out of the car Kat can't help but think that girl will get herself killed just to make sure I'm safe. You can't help but love her._

_Later that day in a coffee shop… _

"_Hay, Mill we just got a call in about shots being fired in this area we need to go now and see what it is," Ace her partner said._

"_Ok just let me get my coat and don't call me that I hate that Arthur" she sneered. As they drove to 5th__ and Main where they said the shots were heard from. "Nothing but low lives and junkies here someone should get a medal for this if the bastard's dead already" they both laughed at the joke. When they arrived at the scene something chilled in Kat's bones her blood ran cold immediately. This was the worst feeling in her life but something compelled her feet to move to the spot faster and faster till she ran the rest of the way. There she saw on the ground bleeding out was her sister laying on the cement laughing._

"_Oh my God what happen to you Jillian? Why the fuck are you here?" she knelled down to pick her head up "How did you get here tell me now I need to know and why the fuck are you laughing?" Jill just looked up at her "I'm laughing because you ran all the way here in heels (cough) and you ask a dumb-ass question, God, this hurts so much. I think I'm dying but you want to know the worst part about it?"_

_Kat sat their with tears in her eyes flowing as she grasped her sister's hand a small smile on her face rocking her back and forth. "Yeah, ass-hole what is it tell me oh great knowing one" playing the foul name game and looking up to see Ace call 911 and her mother. "It's not dying that hurts its how you get there (coughs harder) that's the problem" she laughed and Kat smiled "how come you not telling me to be quiet you need your strength and what not isn't that what the movies tell you to do."_

"_Because that would be a waste of breath because even now that would be pointless you prick. You never shut up at all." She could feel her body getting colder and hear words coming from her partner's mouth but she didn't care because right now all that matter was her and her little sis last moment together in this life. _

"_I'm not a prick you bitch, they're not gonna make it are they huh, besides if they don't I get to say my love for you will last longer than my life did. I'm so cold and tired right now I wanna go to sleep. Can I go to sleep Kat?" _

"_No you can't not yet do you want to know something before you go to sleep and no they're not" tears came running from her eyes when she felt her head nod slowly "for a nine year old girl you have the foulest mouth of them all and I love you so much for it I can't stand it sometimes." Kat squeezed her hand and she squeezed back with little life she had left. "Tell momma I love her and tell Miss Hawks I'm sorry for what I did, she know what it is, and tell my friends I said I love them and goodbye" _

"_Don't worry I will anything else I need to for you, your highness before you got to sleep" Kat whispered. "Yeah two actually. One stop crying on me I'm cold and sing You're not Alone by Michael Jackson I love that song if you please." Jill's voice got softer_

_As Kat began to sing the song the Medics had arrived and other cops had showed up. She could see her mother in the background but didn't care. Right now she was giving a last request to her biggest fan and her favorite person in the whole world. When she got to last line her voice cracked as the body went limp in her arm and a very low thank you came from Jill's lips for the last time. She just sat there with her Jill's body in her arms crying because she knew she the reason she was gone in her heart and mind…_

Now…

"Lily go but it back now and this is non-negotiable now put it back that's final." Stillman ordered. Kat came to but was a little dizzy from lack of fluids "I need the rest of the day off if you don't mind Boss I just need to clear my head that's all is that okay with you"

"Yeah go ahead we'll call if we get anything just go home and get some rest" Stillman laid a hand on her shoulder as he said it.

**A/N**

**Oh and you thought I was going to leave you hangin nope sorry not my style. I just got caught up with real life drama and couldn't find the time to write or anything for that matter as I said I don't own this show and if I did there would be no need for a last season and other problems and things. I'll try and write more sooner but this is what you get R&R that would be nice and blah, ect, and other things.**

**P.S. I know the jokes not cool but I'm weird and I don't like writing death scenes that much. That's my pain to bear and remember if you can read you can say thank you sometimes to be nice that's all I'm saying. **


End file.
